I cried when I read this....soo True

Femme Thoughts

Can we, as a community, get over the close mindedness we have toward femmes? I think we can, if femmes stand up and voice their truth(s). So, I'll start the discussion.
I am transitioned. Yes, that's right. I am a female who is a femme. And I am here to represent the femmes of more rural locations and from small towns. We are not represented, btw. Not really. There is no voice for us. Until now. We are speaking up, one by one.
I woke up running late for work today because I was up talking to one of my sisters who is also femme.(It was so worth it, grrlie.) We stood on our soapboxes and yelled amen to each other until after midnight. You see, we are fed up. We are fed up of being stereotyped within the community. We are tired of being invisible.
I have no problem being a grrl. I embrace my curves, I delight in my woman-ness and am extremely comfortable in my own skin. I know I make butches nervous when I return their direct gaze. I see their strong hands tremble as they are nervously shoved into the safety of jean pockets. I am aware I make knees knock when I speak. I worship that delicious, melting feeling only a femme can have when a masculine woman is closing in after a season of pursuit and has finally decided the time is right to pounce.
First of all, I have had it up to my eyeballs with those that feel femmes are superficial/line-straddling/air-headed/vain vixens. What? What??? Because a woman dresses up and "puts her face on", she is suddenly "high maintenance"? Why would we think that?? On the flip side, how is this considered more femme than someone who is say, more tomboyish than outwardly girlie? And is there not such thing as an androgynous femme?? These groups of woman are many times denied the very right of labeling themselves femme in their peer groups.
Do I have to sacrifice inner strength and fortitude for my femininity?? Every masculine woman I have known and been close to has told me I am the both the strongest woman and the softest woman they have ever known. So, why can't some people let us be both? I think many fear the power of that concept, especially those who should claim it as their own identity. I am so weary of people thinking that in order to "soft", you must be timid and have no backbone. Sorry, folks, the only time Mama has no backbone is when there is f*cking involved..

Now, I am not judging anyone. I am simply asking to not be judged if I do not look or think like you. I am also asking the masculine women to expand their ideas of what it is to be femme.
On days I am throwing on my love's flannel shirt when I get out of bed or am wearing her baseball hat to run to the store, I am still femme and very female.
I am a femme whether I am on top or not.
I am femme whether I am holding down or being held down.
I am femme whether I am throwing a ball.
I am femme while pitching a tent.
I am femme when I am checking the oil in the car.
I am femme when I wake up and go to sleep.
I am femme when I win a board-game.
I am femme when I want to be chased.
I am femme when I pounce.
I am femme when I am aggressive.
I am femme when I am assertive.
I am femme when I am quiet.
I am femme even when I am the boy she needs from time to time.
What gets me going inside? Fancy perfume? A logo covered purse? Expensive gifts? A costly night
cream on my bathroom counter? Nah. Not so much. (in my case Yes, it does -L) I guess those things are nice to some. Oh sure,
I like to dress up occasionally but I long to have it all stripped off soon after stepping out. I feel like
a caged animal if I'm in clothes my skin can't breath in, after too long. I prefer jeans or a well worn,
simple cotton dress.
Anyway....what gets me going is not anything money can buy.
You see, I cry when cresting a hill ablaze with autumn hues. I feel alive when the wind kisses my face
and lifts my hair. I shudder with delight over homemade warm bread. My church is a walk in the woods
or watching the sun rise/set. I lose my mind at farmer's markets. My soul sings when a baby grips my
finger in their tiny hand and smiles up at me. The porch is my country club. The smell of my lover's soap
is an aphrodisiac. Her sweatshirt is my cashmere. The beauty of the night sky makes me breathless.
Sharing a picnic under the moon is my perfect movie/dinner date. Give me a tin roof and I am in my
version of girlie heaven. Yeah, I know. I am totally boring to some and the Golden Ticket to others. I'm
granola, femme and damn proud of it.
What makes me femme is how I feel, walk, breathe, speak, sit, think, make love, feel, make choices,
my DNA and how I exist. The way my hips move as I walk if handsome eyes are on me, verifies my
Femme-ness, every time. Femme is the pheromone I exude. It just Is.
So a word of advice to all you handsome ones: you know the girls sitting in the corners, returning your
gaze with huge, soft eyes over a book cover, while sipping their cokes or coffee? Have you noticed us?
Well, if not, look around. You might just be surprised. Some Femmes can be super subtle but we are
everywhere.
And waiting.
Get it?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK9m7ls7crk
avery

Right on...my horoscope for today

Your Horoscope
PISCES
February 19-March 20
Daily LesbianScope: October 19, 2007


It seems like it was the worst thing that could happen right now, but in the end it's a good thing this occurred. Once you get over the rage, the tears and the somewhat bitter disappointment, you'll be better than ever!
_________________________________________________________________________
Amen to cleansing and releasing!

Writing is Art

And Art is Objective.

This is how I choose to create.

Word.

Is Butch-Femme Dead?? (gasp!!!!!)/Where are my butches at???

Ok..Ok...OK
I get the whole genderless, genderqueer thing. But, sometimes I wonder if there are any butches out there (that are single) anymore??? I mean like male clothes wearing, like to treat a lady right, chivalrous, will fix my car without me having to tell her kind of butchas...

They are a drying breed (it makes my femme heart sad) and it SUCKS!

The other night, I went out to the club with my ex and even though we went out on a platonic tip, she asked ME out, picked ME up, we went where I suggested, and she opened the doors, paid the cover and even when it was my turn to buy the drinks, she went up to the bar with MY money to go get the drinks. That's what I'm talking about! I saw these 2 couples (butch/femme) over on the other side of the club and the femmes were getting the drinks for them. I mean, I understand..but that's not what I want. I like to get my butch a beer from the fridge if she is watching football or something with her buddies...that's cool. But something about a club setting, I like to be treated like a total lady..you know??? (sigh)
It's just the same way that both of my roommates (both a bit tomboi-ish) NEVER ask me to take out the trash can on trash day. They know that I CAN do it...but know that they should not ask me since I'm the 'femme' of the house ;)
The same way (R) went to the auto parts store and bought me my tail light for my car and only called me to see what year my car was and then came home and installed it. Or the way even a butch friend remembers a small insignificant detail about your day that you told her like 2 weeks ago, and then brings it up. Even if it's on a friend status, it still makes my heart flutter!

I just feel it's dying....DON'T LET IT DIE!

THEN......
The other day, while talking to a friend, she said that a butch told her that she (butch boi) likes to date straight girls because they are 'nice' and not all 'activist-y' like femme lesbians are...ARE YOU KIDDING????? This is another sore spot for me since I've lost 2 good butches in my dating history to 'straight' or 'bi-curious' girls..ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? So femme lesbians are not 'nice'?? I think I'm nice, and I have a brain, can work the HELL our of some high-heels and some MAC lip gloss..but I'm too "activist-y" for your ass??? OMG that made me want to puke..I'm out there, doing the community work, at the marches, signing the petitions only to have 'bi-curious' straight girl take my butch only because you think she's 'nicer' than me?? what I think it is, is that they are not as political than us femme lesbians and therefore won't take as much shit as the 'straight girls'

ok...I'm off my soap box now...

This is what i'm looking for...of course I'm the one wearing the dress... LOL

Me Voy....

Goodness...Me Voy is right...I feel so disconnected from my current situation. Sometimes I feel like one day, I'm going to wake up and feel deep sadness regarding my situation...but right now, I'm having too much fun and too many activities are happening for me to really think about what's been going on. All I do know, is that these lyrics to this Julieta Venegas song ring soo true to me right now.

Me Voy by Julieta Venegas

Porque no supiste entender a mi corazón
lo que había en el porque no tuviste el valor de ver quien soy
porque no escuchas lo que esta tan cerca de ti
sólo el ruido de afuera y yo
que estoy a un lado desaparezco para ti.

No voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto
porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero
por eso me voy que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y me voy
que lastima pero adios me despedio de ti.

Porque se que me espera algo mejor
alguien que sepa darme amor
de ese que endulza la sal y hace que salga el sol
yo que pense nunca me iría de ti
que es amor del bueno de toda la vida
pero hoy entendí que no hay suficiente para los dos.

No voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto
porque es probable que lo merezco pero no lo quiero
por eso me voy que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y me voy
que lastima pero adios me despedio de ti.

Me voy que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y me voy
que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y me voy
que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y
me voy
que lastima pero adios
me despido de ti y
me voy.

Weekend fun..part deux

Sunday, I went to a 'Goddess Gathering' What is a Goddess Gathering you ask?? well I was asking myself the same thing...I heard a bunch of different things. I was back and forth on this one, but I made myself call my friend Lisa so I would go, and boy, was I glad I did...a good goddess time was had by all (see below)

Weekend fun...part one.

Hello All,
I'm back at work...refreshed (kind of) and happy and full of life. This weekend was Jam-packed with fun activities of all kinds! So, since sharing is caring, here we go...

Friday night, my roommate, Erica and I went Wine Tasting at this place called winestyles near our house...they have a 10 dollar wine tasting full of fun, nib lets, and well, wherever Eri and I are, there's always a party...check it out..


what's cool is that they are going to have a tasting this Sat (right before the opening of the art show that we are both in) 25 tastings for $5 OMG can you believe it??? yeah it's going to be FUN!!!!!!

Saturday, I met my BFF Meredith, and we went to the Museum of Latin American Art in Long Beach, CA. I had such a blast, talking art, family, and the such with Mere...i love her! Then we went over to the Yardhouse for drinks/lunch...I had the BEST lobster/crab/artichoke dip EVER...YUMMY!!!! Then, in a weird twist of fate, my ex (I) called me up to see if I was up to anything....I said no (at this point, I was in my PJ's ready to call it a night) and then she said we should go out and get a drink...I was a bit trepidatious at this point, but I said, what the hell it's a Sat night...so off I went to get Divalicious...well we decided to go to the Executive Suites in Long Beach...OMG it was SO MUCH FUN!!! I haven't had that much fun dancing in AGES (I have been telling my roommates that I've been wanting to go dancing..but it just never came to fruition...I had a BLASTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! So much so, that I think I have convinced my roommates to go this Saturday...YAY!

...

An exciting and jam packed weekend is upon me....

pictures/stories will be posted on tues...
have a great weekend everyone!

How perfect was this for me right now??

October 4, 2007
Stronger For It
Mending A Broken Heart
Heartbreak happens to all of us and can wash over us like a heavy rain. When experiencing a broken heart, our ethereal selves are saturated with grief, and the overflow is channeled into the physical body. Loss becomes a physical emptiness, and longing is transmuted into a feeling that often cannot be put into words. Mending a broken heart can seem a task so monumental that we dare not attempt it for fear of damaging ourselves further. But heartbreak, like all emotions, falls under the spell of our conscious influence.

Often the pain that wounds us most deeply also leaves the most enduring mark upon us. The shock that becomes the tender, throbbing ache of the heart eventually leads us down the path of enlightenment, blessing our lives with a new depth and richness.

Acknowledging heartbreak's impermanence by no means dulls its sting for it is the sting itself that stimulates healing. The pain is letting us know that we need to pay attention to our emotional selves, to sit with our feelings and be in them fully before we can begin to heal. It is said that time heals all wounds. Time may dull the pain of a broken heart, but it is fully feeling your pain and acknowledging it that will truly help you heal. Dealing with your heartache in a healthy way rather than putting it off for tomorrow is the key to repair. Gentleness more than anything else is called for. Most important, open yourself to the possibility of loving, trusting, and believing again. When, someday soon, you emerge from the cushion of your grief, you will see that the universe did not cease to be as you nursed your broken heart. You emerge on the other side of the mending, stronger for all you have experienced.